Ready for the loony bin!

Ok so I have been catching a lot of flak lately about not blogging. So here I am. I sit down to write this and I think to myself, I need a little taste to loosen me up. So I put a couple of ice cubes in a glass and grab a bottle of 10 year old Talisker Single Malt Scotch. (it was bottled after ten years aging, I’ve had it for about 5 so it is 15 years young). Anyway, like all fine single malts this has a cork. I twist the cork and pull and the cork breaks into two pieces, one in my hand and one still in the bottle. Shit! I lookk through my inventory and I have an Isle of Jura, Single Malt that has about a shot left in it. I sip that, now I have an extra cork. I get a cork removing tool and only manage to push the half a cork into the Talisker. Oh well, I guess it won’t hurt anything except the occasional piece of cork in my whiskey. Some things are never easy!

Anyway, I was chatting with my good friend 10-8-ious recently and we discovered that we had both been taking personality profiles recently. We made a pact that we would each blog on our profile. She has already posted hers on http://10-8-ious.blogspot.com/, so now it is my turn.

First I should make note that we didn’t do the same profiles. She took actually two different profiles, a Kolbe A Index and a Myers Briggs Type Indicator. I on the other hand took a DiSC Classic 2.0 profile. Despite the disparities, we thought it would be fun to throw these out for the world to see.

My DiSC profile was very revealing, though it was not surprising. I thought it was very accurate. DiSC is a series of 30 ratings. It gives you four terms and you are to rate them base on what you feel is most important and what is least important. Like most profiling systems, there are no right or wrong answers. DiSC stands for Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientiousness which you are ranked into each for a score. The DiSC rating then classifies your profile into one of 15 unique patterns. One of the interesting things is that it gives personality traits for the person in that corresponds to particular pattern, and things that that a person in that pattern needs to work on or be conscience of. Lastly, it should be noted that the answers to the questions are applicable to you at work, and not necessarily socially. I found this last point important, because I might act differently at work than I would in a social situation.

So cut the crap Mike! What did it say? I ranked high on the Dominance Scale (6). I had a secondary high of influence of (5). My lowest was on the Steadiness Scale (2) and next lowest was the Conscientiousness Scale (3). The classic pattern I line up with is Results Oriented. So I can buy that, but what the hell does it mean. Here is the profile as described in the report:

Result-Oriented people display self-confidence, which some may interpret as arrogance. They actively seek opportunities that test and develop their abilities to accomplish results. Result-Oriented persons like difficult tasks, competitive situations, unique assignments, and important positions. They undertake responsibilities with an air of self-importance and display self-satisfaction once they have finished.

Result-Oriented people tend to avoid constraining factors, such as direct controls, time-consuming details and routine work. Because they are forceful and direct, they may have difficulties with others. Result-Oriented people prize their independence and may become restless when involved with group activities or committee work. Although Result-Oriented people generally prefer to work alone, they may persuade others to support their efforts, especially when completing routine activities.

Result-Oriented people are quick thinkers, and they are impatient and fault-finding with those who are not. They evaluate others on their ability to get results. Result-Oriented people are determined and persistent even in the face of antagonism. They take command of a the situation when necessary, whether or not they are in charge. In their uncompromising drive for results, they may appear blunt and uncaring.

Scary isn’t it? Well not really. It is pretty close to the mark. Especially the parts about actively seeking opportunities to test their ability to get results, prizing independence, and avoiding routine work. Yes I can be extremely determined and persistent. I do have to really watch not coming off as aloof, blunt or uncaring.

So what about those undesirable traits? Yes I have to admit, they are me also. I can be self-confident to the point of arrogance. I can be blunt. I find fault. I despise slow workers and committees that get no where fast. Teams? I have little use for them if they are nothing more than a feel good exercise that goes now where fast. However, I enjoy teams that have a defined goal and competent enthusiastic members. Yes the good and the bad both accurately describe me.

I look at this kind of evaluation as a measuring stick. I take it seriously as I know I have some character flaws. We all do. But to me, the Results-Oriented person, the ultimate challenge is one’s self. How can I take my character flaws and correct them? Can I not be blunt, condescending or arrogant? Can I keep the good parts about being a Results-Oriented personality, the tenacity, the drive, the ability to solve difficult tasks, and correct the flaws that this personality type includes?

I have taken this as the ultimate challenge. Can I truly recognize my flaws, admit them, see them for what they are, and adjust my behavior to eliminate them? After all what better task to turn that persistence, that drive, and that tenacity on to?

I like to look at these kind of things as a test, a learning experience from which I can grow. I’m not perfect, none of us are. And thus I think there is great value in understanding who we are. What we are like? Kind of like standing on the outside looking in. We can all benefit from this type of evaluation, especially if we are honest with ourselves. When we understand who we are, the good the bad and the ugly, then we can really make improvements on ourselves.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you why I took this DiSC profile. I have my staff going through a team building exercise the next 3 days. And everyone took them, and me being the boss get to look at the summaries for all of my people. It is interesting as it starts to explain some of the conflict I have been seeing. The rest of the Team building should be a lot of fun. I keep you posted on my Blog.

"Luke, come over to the dark side of the force"

It is your destiny...... (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back).

Well I have been fighting it, but I admit defeat. Managing my blog on Verizon.NET has taken it's toll. It is the combersome post and comment functionality that has done me in. After much poking and proding I have moved my Blog to Blogger.com. I re-posted three blogs that I think are relavant. And the old site is not going away, just I won't post there anymore.

So here I am.......

A most destructive force

Insecurity…. Webster’s expounds as such:
Not sure or certain; doubtful: unemployed and facing an insecure future.
Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe:
A shortage of military police made the air base insecure.
Not firm or fixed; unsteady: an insecure foothold.

Lacking stability; troubled: an insecure relationship.
Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety: had always felt insecure at parties.

It is a vile little thing, creeping about, infiltrating our mental state. Everyone has it in some shape or form. It makes us say things we later regret. It causes us to miss life’s opportunities, to recoil from growth and excitement. It fuels our anger and insites unreasonable fear and rage. It is one of our worst enemies.

Some people try and hide it, others try and deny it. Only a few frequently acknowledge it and then fight through it, only the brave. And those brave souls are the ones that truly enjoy life.

I have insecurities. I confront them constantly. Some I easily brush aside like the petty worries they really are. Others consume my thoughts for long periods of time until my thoughts become rational, digging out there route causes and I emerge triumphant. And a few remain, gnawing at my soul till eternity.

I was insecure about blogging on this subject. I started thinking about it late last year. And I started observing, my family, my friends, my colleagues at work, strangers I met everyday. And as I did, I started to see it more and more. I saw patterns. And I have come to better recognize it, not only in those day to day acquaintances, but also in myself. And my insecurity rose. If I blogged about it, would I insult those I value as friends, those that I love and cherish? Would they see themselves and be angry? Would I embarrass myself by using my own insecurity as examples? So I have thought, long and hard on this one.

My answer came to me last week, while discussing it with a good friend. Why was I being insecure about blogging on insecurity? I would hope that those people I care about would see themselves better, and hopefully see me better. Because the more we know about ourselves, the more honest we are with ourselves, the better our lives are, and I would wish that on all friends and family. So once again, after a long struggle I came to rational thought, casting aside the demon once more.

The blog is on, and I knew it would be a long one. Here are some thoughts on my observations on insecurity and its antonyms, secure/confidence.

Insecurity can cause us to try and dominate a conversation. It is interesting how this happens. You have to tell your story first. You have to “one up” someone else’s story. If your opinion is different than someone else’s, you try and drown out the person you disagree with. Your voice rises, you talk faster. This is very evident if your insecurity causes you to feel you are going to loose an argument. Sometimes it is masked by claiming that you are passionate on a subject.

If however you are secure and confident you will listen. Not just politely stay quiet, but actively listen and acknowledge by commenting and questioning. All without the one-upmanship. In debates over difference of opinions, you stay cool, calm and confident. You listen to the other side of the argument and calmly counter, without interrupting, without raising your voice. After all you are confident in your position, secure because you have been honest with yourself on the subject, and can accept that not everyone will agree with your opinion.

I have taken it upon myself to listen more, to be truly involved in conversations and fight fair during disagreements. This goes across the board and can be very hard when others are not of doing the same. But I am secure in the fact I am making progress.

Insecurity causes us to run down others, to talk badly about our friends & family. You constantly point out their shortcomings. You belittle them and make yourself superior. Gossip forks your tongue constantly. If you are in a disagreement, you try and make bystanders choose sides. Interestingly enough this usually drives people away versus gaining you allies!

If you are secure, you don’t need to talk badly about people. A little friendly ribbing or teasing is one thing, but you are careful not to hurt. You don’t need gossip because your confidence buoys you up instead. Disagreements are handled in a civil private manner. You need not divide your friends to prove a point.

My wife and I have always kept our dirty laundry at home, in private. I think that is a great contributor to the longevity of our relationship. We have never run the other down in public. On the other hand, it can be hard to stay out of the gossip mill with friends. It seems innocent but can be quite harmful. Again I am taking it upon myself to try and take a higher road on this, as I think my friends will respect me more for it.

The insecure are always proving themselves to others. Bragging about their accomplishments, justifying their decisions. They embellish and exaggerate. Simple successes become monumental accomplishments. Everything becomes me, me, me.

The secure are humble. If you are confident and honest with yourself you don’t need to exaggerate. Your accomplishments speak for themselves. You don’t have to talk about yourself constantly to justify your greatness. In fact you spend more time building up others rather than yourself.

I think that I don’t brag about myself a lot. But I can definitely spend more time building up others. So that is on the list.

Insecurity breads contempt. It causes anger. You feel you have been cheated, someone else got your share, your lime light. You fear the unforeseen. And your fear is irrational. You lash out, say things you regret. The anger consumes you and you don’t know why.

Security and confidence makes you rational. You understand your fears and brush them aside. You recognize the root cause of your anger and find more constructive ways of dealing with the issue. You stay in control, and speak from a position of confidence.

I have been quick tempered through out much of my life. It has usually affected my professional life more than my social life. And I’m sure my kids at times would like to have run for the hills. I have really tuned into this one. If I am angry I ask myself why? What has made me angry, and do I have a right to be angry? Or am I just being insecure. 99% of the time, if I am honest with myself, it is insecurity.

So this blog has gone on long enough. I have spewed forth and gotten these thoughts out into the open, naked for all to see. But there is one thing else I should convey. It has dawned on me as I have become more aware of my own insecurities and those around me, that this disease spares no one. Therefore, if you are truly confident and secure with yourself, you must be willing to look past others insecurities to the true person they are. For it is the relationships in our lives that define us. How we treat others is the best measure of our compassion and achievement. Be secure, confident and honest with yourself, and your life will be filled with friendship and happiness.

Archived Post - from Feb 9, 2006, Reolutions Update

So it has been over 5 weeks since New Years. Time to check on the New Years Resolutions.

Resolution # 1 – Blog More: This has been up and down. Been hung up on a couple of Blog subjects that I want to do, but can’t seem to get them down. Guess I’ll just have to blow through them. Of course this blog counts.

Resolution # 2 – Promote Electronic Socialization: I have been doing terrible on this. I haven’t e-mailed as much lately, and I intended on setting up a forum site, but haven’t yet. Ok time to get off the stick.

Resolution # 3 – Watch more Movies: I got off to a good start on this one, then Liz and/or Thomas went to a couple of movies (Narnia and Memoirs of a Geisha) that I wanted to see but had something else going on. Then they sat me down to watch Napoleon Dynamite and well I haven’t wanted to see another movie since….. And I’m thinking about changing this Resolution to read more books.

Resolution # 4 – Spend more Time Helping the Less Fortunate: I think I am doing quite well here in a round about way. I am now the Scoutmaster for Boy Scout Troop 169, Paw Paw. I get to help mold a bunch of boys into responsible young men. Part of this is performing service projects, like food drives, etc. So I can have a pretty big impact here. This is also taking a tremendous amount of my time right now, part of the reason #1 and #2 are lagging.

Resolution # 5 – Loose Weight. Not sure how much I am loosing, but I have cut back on beer and booze especially on school nights and have been working out at the gym again. Even got Tolerance working out with me. So this one is on track.

Resolution # 6 – Play More Guitar. Band is not practicing once a week, but we have practiced and we are playing this Sunday night, 2/12 at the Old Hat in Lawton! 6 – 9 pm. Come on down!

Archived Post - from Jan 2, 2006, Reolutions

Monday, January 2, 2006 Here we go again.
Ok, ok, alright already! As aptly pointed out in the comments log, I have yet to post in the New Year. So here they are, resolutions and revelations, in no particular order of priority:

Resolution # 1 – Blog more. I find this blogging therapeutic. Much more than watching TV or some of the other mundane habits we in Western Society have become accustomed to. And I like to read the comments.

Revelation # 1 – Insecurity breeds contempt. This is a whole Blog and I plan on it. The bottom line is that one’s insecurity tends to stir emotions of distrust and dislike. If we can get past our own insecurity then we in general will be happier with ourselves and others.

Resolution # 2 – Promote electronic socialization. I have a small circle of friends that are very well connected electronically. I would like to expand this circle. Not just e-mail, but blogging, instant messaging and forums. Some would say this is as bad as watching TV. I would argue that while sitting in front of the computer is the same physical actvitiy as TV, there is communication, interaction and thought with electronic socialization. And that is good.

Revelation # 2 – Life is good! Life has been good to me. I have a loving wife, great kids, a pretty darned good job and lots of good friends. I think I’ll enjoy myself more.

Resolution # 3 – Watch more movies. I’m not much of a movie fan in general. If I see one a month that is a lot for me. My wife and kids will watch 3 or 4 a week sometimes. But there are a lot of good thought provoking movies out there and a lot of good Fantasy/Sci-fi that are fun to get lost in for 2-3 hours. So I’m going to watch more, I’m shooting for about 3 per month, and then of course right a review on them.

Revelation # 3 – Community matters. I’ve been always kind of community minded, I just didn’t realize it. You can have a profound effect on the lives of those within a 25-50 mile radius of where you live. And when you have a positive effect, it feels great. The national media tends to divert our attention from this, wanting us to focus on the tragedy of the moment. But if we are all concentrating, constantly on our nearest neighbors that need our help, we would be in a much better position to help when a Katrina hits.

Resolution # 4 – Spend more time helping the less fortunate. To do this I need to quite believing that I don’t have enough time. All I really need to do is quite wasting time.

Resolution # 5 – Loose Weight. This is a health issue that I need to take care of. Problem here is my great love of good food and adult beverages.

Resolution #6 – Play more guitar. I’d really like to get the band playing once a month and practicing weekly.

I guess that should wrap this up. On ward!10:33 am est